COED’s Comprehensive Spring Break Bikini Guide

Believe it or not, spring is right around the corner. Hell, some of you lucky bastards are partying it up on spring break as we speak. So to prepare you for the skintastic goodness of the warmer months of the year, we’ve put together the comprehensive bikini guide, giving you an educated look at this year’s hottest bods! There’s a whopping 14 of these bad boys, from the classic to the crazy, so get ready to pick your new favorite piece of swimwear.

The Classic Bikini

Everyone knows the common bikini – it consists of a non-tying, non-clipping, simple slip-on bottom and a bra-like top. And while it might be one of the least revealing bikinis out there, it’s sometimes better to keep some things a secret. (Totally kidding.)

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The String Bikini

More revealing than the common bikini, the string bikini has two triangles of fabric, one in the back, one in the front, and attaches with strings on the side, which makes for easy removal – always a good trait for an article of women’s clothing to have.

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The Thong Bikini

The thong bikini is a two-piece suit, with a standard top and a thong bottom, which has a triangle of fabric in the front and a piece of fabric that goes between the cheeks, sometimes with a triangle at the top, sometimes just a string. You know, a thong, th-thong, thong thong!

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The Boy Short Bikini

One of our favorites, the boy short bikini combines the awesomeness of boy shorts with the awesomeness of bikinis to make possibly the greatest article of clothing known to man. If women could just start wearing this outfit all the time, we would never be sad.

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The Sling Bikini

Made famous by Sacha Baron Cohen in his movie Borat, this classy number, sometimes called a “suspender bikini” or “slingshot bikini,” is a one-piece suit that extends from the crotch, over the shoulders and connects in the back.

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The Pretzelkini

A popular 80′s variation of the sling bikini, the pretzelikini has two sets of straps, one that wraps around the neck with a criss-cross and another that wraps around the midriff. Also, it tastes excellent with mustard.

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The Microkini

A microkini is often a string bikini that has as little fabric covering the naughty bits as possible. Why all bikinis aren’t like this, we have no idea. But they should be.

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The Pubikini

Designed in 1985 by Rudi Gernreich, the pubikini is meant to expose the pubic hair. So basically, it’s a bikini that can cover anything but the crotch, which is kinda cool in a “check out my junk” kind of way. But for obviously legal reasons, we don’t expect to see this one strolling down the boardwalk anytime soon.

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The Clip Bikini

While the cut of the clip bikini can come in many different variations, the one defining factor is that the clip bikini attach with a clip instead of with a string or full fabric. Complicated, we know…

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The Tankini

Despite the fact that it covers more skin, the tankini is a sexy combination of a bikini bottom with any tank top – though most of them are made of spandex-and-cotton or Lycra-and-nylon and have thin spaghetti straps.

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The Trikini

Often times, the trikini is only made up of a bikini bottom and pretty much any other two pieces used to cover the breasts. (Most often, pasties are used.) Another version of the trikini is a kind of bikini-one-piece hybrid, with a thin piece of form-fitting fabric attaching the top and bottoms in the front.

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The Seekini

It’s like a normal bikini, but totally transparent. Why someone would wear this instead of just going full nude is beyond us. But we’re guessing it has to do with keeping the sand out (or just to toy with you).

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The Bandeaukini

Rather than a simple bra-like top, the bandeaukini has a tube-top, which wraps around the body, covering the breasts. Sometimes, a simple bandanna or belt is used. But that only happens in our wildest dreams…

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The Monokini

Popular on European beaches and with overweight, middle-aged dudes with leathery skin, the monokini is the term for wearing just the bottom part of a bikini – a practice we highly recommend.

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