The 5 Best Bargains at the Michael Jackson Auction

It’s impossible to wrap your head around the strange journey that has been Michael Jackson’s life. From child-star to multi-platinum mega-star to to child molester to creepy old white guy, his life has taken more turns than we can count. And now it’s taking another one.

Because he’s incredibly, miserably broke, Jackson has decided to auction off almost everything in his infamous Neverland Ranch. The list of items not only provides a revealing glimpse into the once glamorous/juvenile life that Jackson lead, but also presents a unique opportunity to get your hands on some truly crazy sh*t at rock bottom prices. Honestly, it’s amazing how low this stuff is selling for. MJ must be DESPERATE.

5. Video Games: $4,000 – $6,000

The Neverland Ranch was built in the late ’80s, and most of the entertainment contained within reflects that. This means that if you’re a vintage video game buff, you just his the jackpot. An old-school Ms. Pac-Man machine is on the chopping block, as is a huge, crazy looking flight simulation machine made by Sega. Remember Sega? Yeah… These aren’t the most practical purchases because a) they take up a bunch of room, and b) they’re boring – but hey, if you’re into ‘collecting’ and ‘vintage’, impractical and boring are basically your middle name.

4. Golf Cart: $4,000 – $6,000

So, weird alert! Yes, there are many of them in this auction, but maybe none weirder than the luxury golf cart adorned with a giant portrait of Michael Jackson disguised as Peter Pan airbrushed on the hood. Like, seriously, paging every psychiatrist ever. This is maybe the most ultimate call for help in history. Also, this means Michal was eerily aware of his unhealthy mental state. Also, why does he look so sad?

3. Socks: $600 – $800

Everyone, get this through your heads: Michael Jackson did the moonwalk IN THESE SOCKS! Forget about the scary plastic surgery, forget about the kid touching, he wore these socks when he was floating across the floor backwards to “Billie Jean”! You can’t put a price on that kind of history. OK, you can – it’s $600.

2. Gloves: $1,000 – $6,500

If you’re into gardening or skiing or heavy weightlifting, and you want to add a bit of ‘look how weird and gay I am’ to your getup, you really can’t go wrong with a Swarkozy crystal covered glove. Of course only righties are available since MJ famously only wore one glove (and he touched his balls with that glove, FYI) but they are available in a multitude of colors. Maybe good for golf?? From the photos, its hard to know what size the gloves are, but we’re guessing they’re on the small side.

1. Art: $4,000 – $6,000

Without a doubt, the highlights of this auction are the paintings. Seriously, what the f*ck? If these were coming out of any other person’s collection, we’d be laughing with them. You know, if that was George Clooney standing there dressed like a Disney character, we’d be chuckling to ourselves thinking about how funny that Clooney is, what a sense of humor on that guy!

But this is Michael Jackson. You know, the I’m bad Michael Jackson. The man doesn’t have a single ironic, self deprecating bone in his body. He is so serious about everything, always, and he had a portrait of himself commissioned wearing gay ass pantaloons, holding a crown, looking FIERCE. The asking price on this thing is $4-6,000, which is such a steal that it’s not even funny. Please, someone, please buy this. It can be a family heirloom.

(Images: Guardian.co.uk)