Tips on Being a Sports Team Mascot

By Harmonleon

I conned my way into being lovable PeaNUT, the team mascot for the minor league baseball team, the Modesto A’s. Yes, for one inning they allowed me to don an elephant outfit and be the lovable team mascot PeaNUT. During that one-inning of glory I learned many sports team mascot tips which I love to pass on:

1. Give Your Mascot Character A Lot Of Personality!

That’s right, really fill out the suit; make it come to life, in order to have the fans warm to you. In my case, I created the newly patented “PeaNUT walk.” (A combination of spinning and pointing.) Make it your trademark. Fans love this kind of stuff.

2. Make a Huge Entrance

It’s show time! The local crowd loves their team mascot. That’s why you should make a huuuuuge entrance and whip them into a frenzy. As soon as you hit the bleachers, become a high-five-ing machine. Madly wave your arms and moonwalk down the aisle. It’s your standard, lovable mascot fare.

3. Get Away With Sh*t

As a mascot you can get away with shit normal people aren’t allowed to do without getting beaten up:

• Go up behind old men and start massaging their backs and have them smile.

• Randomly hug strange girls and have them hug back!

• Shake your big elephant butt in someone’s face and have them laugh.

• Grab someone’s beer and quickly down it. When finished throw the cup back at them.

If someone gets mad at any of these shenanaigans, simply do “the funny dance!” It’s your right–you’re the team mascot!

Harmon Leon is the author of The American Dream