How to Play Vegas Escort Idol

By COED Staff

In Las Vegas, escorts are advertised EVERYWHERE – rolling billboards, cabbies handing bound photo books with pictures and phone numbers, newspaper machines filled with catalogs, dozens of illegal Mexicans handing out business cards on every street corner. And for about $250, you can get pretty much anything you want.

During a recent bachelor party trip to Sin City, my friends and I decided call some escorts and see what the deal was. After calling around to a few promising looking ads, we soon realized that, unlike other cities where the escorts are completely different than the girls who are advertised, the escorts in Las Vegas are refundable – meaning if what you see when the girls show up doesn’t match your taste or what you requested you can send them packing without having to pay a dime.

Because of this fantastic hooker return policy, my friends and I came up with the best game in Vegas – Escort Idol. It’s just like American Idol, but instead of auditioning sucky singers who perform lame songs, you have hot hookers show you all their sexiest moves. And if you don’t like ‘em, just send them on their way.

Here’s a quick run-down of how to play:

1. While you can just look up “escorts” in the phone book or get some cards from the Mexicans on the strip, you’ll find the hottest girls by calling the places advertising on the front covers of the newspaper machine catalogs – they have the most money to advertise for a reason…

2. Call the number. Tell the person what you are looking for – give specifics, like hair color, body type, age, fake or real boobs, ethnicity, etc… Make sure to ask for a price quote and if there is a return policy if you don’t like what you see. If so, confirm your “order” and the girl(s) will be waiting for you in your hotel lobby within 15-20 minutes.

3. While you’re waiting, set up an area for your friends to sit, judge-panel-style, and a place for the escorts to show-off their goods. Since you probably won’t have a table to sit behind, pick up some clipboards, pens and notepads beforehand, just to look official.

When the girls arrive, you’ll receive a call to your hotel room phone, go down to the lobby and pick up the girls… plan for a really awkward elevator ride.

4. Whenever a new girl enters or leaves your room, press play here:

5. Now’s when the real fun begins: Once the girls are comfortable, take your seats and have them stand in the performance area. Next, ask them to show you as many of their sexy talents you can get away with in 15 minutes – things like kissing each other, rubbing each other’s breasts, stripping, dancing, bending over, etc… Be creative, but remember: if you have them do anything too sexual you’ll have to pay, so keep it simple.

When the preview is over, talk aloud amongst yourselves, debate the good and the bad of the girls’ performance for a minute or so. Just make sure to keep track of the time, so you don’t get stuck paying the bill.

6. When debating is complete have everyone (one at a time) say ‘yes’ or ‘no’ to the girl. If there are more yeses than nos, the girls get to stay. If not, send them packing. Repeat this process until you’ve found the best girls – and the rest is up to you!

The goal of Escort Idol, however, is to see as many girls do sexy things for free as possible, so it’s best to agree to say ‘no’ always. Also, make sure to call at least a few escort services before you get started, and have the girls arrive about 30-minutes apart, to avoid overlap. Cheers!