5 Recession Proof Jobs That Don’t Suck

Hey, did you hear? The economy is totally horrible! Auto sales are down, unemployment is up; the doom and gloom never stops. But believe it or not, there are people working fantastic jobs in this country who haven’t even noticed the economy flush down the toilet, and probably never will. Here are five of the best ways to make decent money during these tough times.

Marijuana Cultivator
This profession is only viable in certain states (full legal guide here). California, for example, has somewhat legalized marijuana cultivation. One of 13 US states that allows medical marijuana, California lets those with a prescription (which doctors give out to literally anyone) to grow six plants at a time in their own homes. Although the legalities are semi-sketchy, it’s pretty easy to sell this home-grown bud to any of the state’s numerous pot clubs. Pot plants yield roughly a pounds per harvest, and can be harvested four times a year.

If you do it right, that’s about 24 pounds of pot you have to sell every year, and depending on the quality of the weed you grow, it can be sold for close to $8,000-per-pound at the high end of things, and about $3,200 on the lower end. That means even if you grow mediocre weed, as long as you do it diligently, making up to $75,000 annually isn’t even a stretch. And that’s not even full time work!

Poker Player
While the No Limit Hold ‘em craze of a few years ago may have cooled, there is still loads of money to be made at the game. High stakes tournaments occur on an almost weekly basis, with the first prize easily topping $1 million for each one. The top earning poker pros lead lavish lives, jet-setting all around the world, staying in the best hotels, eating the best food, and playing a fun game for a living. They also make upwards of $10 million a year. However, you don’t have to be a high roller to earn a comfortable living playing poker.

Every casino in the country — and online — offers multiple low buy-in tournaments a day, with prize pools in the high thousands. If those are even too risky for you, no problem. Low stakes, low limit Hold ‘em is the easiest way to make a consistent living at the tables. Read Small Stakes Hold ‘em cover to cover, memorize its principles, and watch the money roll in. You may not be banking a mil a year, but with patience and practice, it’s easy to make at least a grand or so every week.

Politician
America has 50 Governors, 100 Senators, 435 Congressmen and countless Mayors. Each one of them has dozens of staff, and not a single one of them are worried about losing their jobs. No matter what happens to the US economy, these people will remain employed, and they’ll all make healthy livings. Senators and Congressmen make $169,000 a year, Governors make up to $200K. The only down side is that, in theory, you carry the weight of your constituents’ problems on your shoulders. The up sides, however, are endless. Power, respect, wining, dining, world travel, giving random dudes blow jobs in airport bathrooms… um, yeah.

Porn Actor
Women make A LOT more than men in this profession. While chicks can easily bank over $100K a year, the average guy makes about $40K. That’s probably because the men lead a far less grueling life than the women, what with the not getting multiple loads shot on your face every day aspect of the job. That having been said, as long as you can stay ‘aroused’ in front of a crowd, you’ll always find steady, possibly enjoyable work in this field, while putting in far less than 40 hours per week.

Athlete
Not the easiest job to just jump into, but if you have what it takes to play any sport professionally — even ping-pong — you’ll never have to worry about the economy for another day in your life. Does it look like Major League Baseball got the memo that we’re in a recession? Ask Pat Burrell, who just signed to make $8 million a year to play for Tampa Bay, or Mark Teixeira, who will be making $22.5 million a year playing for the Yankees.