How To Get In a Fight!

A major problem for some is the lack of fist fights in their everyday life. This should not be a problem which one should be cursed with. That’s why we like to show how one can get in more fights in everyday life!

THINGS NEEDED:
-1 Attitude
-Fists
-Mouthing-Off Ability
-Swear Words of Various Varieties

STEP ONE: Bars
Bars are a great place to both start and have a fight. It’s a virtual breeding ground of this type of activity. the key ingredients you have working for you in this scenario is; the consumption of booze and the frustration some have trying to pick up women. These two aspects are your friends and allies in trying to get into a fight.

A subtle approach would be walking up to the biggest guy in the bar and knocking his drink directly out of his hand. When the glass hits the ground, stare at him and laugh. Even say something like, “I guess REAL men can keep a grip on their drinks, without dropping it on the ground like a little eight-year-old schoolgirl in a pink, frilly dress at an Easter Sunday pik-nik.” If he doesn’t understand what you’re saying, keep repeating it until he does. The punches should fly within minutes and you will have completed your fighting-task.

STEP TWO: The Switch-A-Roo!
Here’s where pure cunning comes in. When the biggest guy in the bar walks by you, act like he pushed into you and spill part of your drink. Then say to him, “Did you spill my drink?!” When he says “No,” look him directly in the eye and say, “Are you calling me a liar!” Let an argument perpetuate until the fist fly through the air with the greatest of ease.

STEP THREE: Bouncers
Bouncers are some of the dumbest people on the entire planet. Many take pure delight in their role, and love being “mad with power” and copping an attitude to all who are non-bouncers. Use that fact fully to your advantage!
Show up to a bar or club without your ID. When questioned on it’s location, do not divulge any information, and proceed into the club.

When stopped say, “I guess REAL men don’t care about people’s IDs, and don’t get their little cotton panties in a bundle like a little eight-year-old schoolgirl in a pink, frilly dress at an Easter Sunday pik-nik!” The next thing you know; a punch will be thrown at your head!

STEP FOUR: Lesbians
The next time their is a lesbian/feminist function in your area, walk in wearing a “Sex Instructor-First Lesson Free” T-shirt, and scream, “Hey ladies, I’ve come to give you 12 inches of my love! Which one of you little ladies is first? Make an orderly line for my love machine!” Request that the first lucky taker gets to make you breakfast in bed!

CONGRATULATIONS! YOU ARE READY TO GET IN A FIGHT!

(Image: Flickr User Luiz Machado)