5 Things To Do On A Porn Set (Other than Have Sex)

Many of you would feel like a little kid run amok in a candy shop if you ever had a chance to spend a day on a porn set. Never fear, I–your trusty blogger– got to spend an afternoon in an industrial section of North Hollywood, across from a sheet-metal shop on a porn set. So here are 5 things I learned you can do on a porn set besides getting naked or having sex with one of the porn stars.

1. BE A CLOTHED EXTRA

Yes, you know, during the plot parts. Such as in The Sperminator clothes extras are needed to carry along the story leading up to the bonking-action.

2. STARE

That’s right, you can stare as much as you want, except it’s not as erotic as you think. You might find the set inhabited by large numbers of older, un-intimidating men and sleazy father-figure types—who also stare. You can also stand together in a large group stare in silence while heavily breathing.

3. EAT FROM THE FOOD SPREAD

Just like other film shoots there’s always a food spread on set. Treat yourself to some chips and salsa; just make sure none of the porn actors are double-dipping!

4. HEAR SERIOUS DISCUSSIONS ON WHERE THE MONEY SHOT SHOULD GO

Several different body parts are mentioned from members of the crew and actors. After much discussion the moment is captured from all camera angles. The moment is then faked several times for facial close-up purposes.

5. SEE PEOPLE FREAK OUT

Things sometimes get really depressing. Looking closely at the monitor, the director shouts, “Jim, we need a courtesy wipe!” He points to the monitor, right at the insertion point.
The porn starlet stops monkey-grunting. She freaks out. “What’s wrong?! What’s wrong?!”
“Nothing,” the director says, cigarette still in mouth. “Can I get some baby wipes please?”
“It’s just the lube!” the porn actress stretches for an excuse.
“I thought I saw something you could wipe off,” explains the director, mentioning that what he thought he saw might be brown in color.
The freaked porn starlet storms off the set. Porn isn’t as glamorous as it looks.