The Dog Ate My Penis and 6 Other Terrifying Vengeful Castrations

NEWS FLASH: If you cheat on you’re girl and she finds out, beware! Nothing on earth is more terrifying than a woman’s wrath. And if these seven stories prove anything, it’s that a woman – any woman – with spite in her heart is capable of anything. So let these nauseating tales serve as a warning to any man that’s ever wronged his woman in any way: She will get you back, and when she does, keep your penis as from from her as possible.

Check out The Dog Ate My Penis and 6 Other Terrifying Vengeful Castrations after the break!

7. Cut off and Eaten by a Dog

Out of revenge for cheating, and just being a complete and all-around son-of-a-bitch, Delmy Ruiz chopped off her boyfriend, Rene Aramando Nuñez’s unlucky wang after tying him up to a chair. The discarded penis was then eaten by a f**king dog!

Authorities tracked down the animal, but said they were unable to recover the dismembered member. But something tells us he didn’t want it back, anyway.

6. Set on Fire

After finding emails from her husband sent to another woman, this New Zealand wife dumped booze on her husband’s junk – while he was sleeping – and lit him on fire.

Not only were his balls ablaze, but when the husband woke-up to find his d*ck on fire, he knocked over the cup containing the rest of the alcohol, causing their $1,000,000 house to go up in flames with the entire family inside. Nobody was killed, but somebody probably wishes he were.

5. Killed, Cut Off and Put in Child’s Bed

We don’t know many details about this one, except one: this b*tch was f**king crazy. A woman in Zhangzhou city, China caught her husband cheating. So she waited until he was asleep then killed him, cut off his dong and put the bloody penis in her six-year-old son’s bed, as a warning to not cheat.

OK, fine. That kid won’t ever cheat – but he’s probably going to go on a murderous rampage, at some point. So thanks for that, lady.

4. Sliced With an Exacto Knife

Forty-eight-year-old pipefitter and Vietnam Vet, Alan Hall found himself in the hospital with no d*ck after picking up a woman named Brenda, whom he’d met at his local gas station. He then took her back to his trailer and things started getting hot and heavy. But then, “whilst in the midst of passion, Brenda had brandished an X-Acto hobby knife and sliced off his penis before running from the scene.” Which just goes to show you that women who hang out at gas stations aren’t to be trusted – as if there was ever any confusion about that…

3. Superglued

This one is surrounded by a bit of legend, but turns out to be true. The case isn’t castration exactly, but it’s still a reprehensible act of violence against the only thing that matters to a man: his wang. In May of 2000, Kenneth Slaby’s ex-girlfriend, after finding out he was dating someone else after ending their 10-month relationship, invited him to her house, waited for him to fall asleep and then superglued his penis to his stomach, and glued his butt cheeks together. When he woke up to find himself glued to himself, Slaby had to walk a mile to the gas station to call for help. Oh, poor Slaby…

2. Ripped Off With Bare Hands

A 52-year-old Philadelphia man, known only as “Howard,” had his junk ripped off buy his wife – with her bare hands! He told authorities that his wife, Monica, who had bi-polar disorder, became convinced that he was cheating on her, so she attacked him in his sleep. “I mean she just grabbed me all down there and yanking and yanking and tearing me up with those fingernails,” said Howard. When asked if he planned to get back together with his wife, Howard responded as any man should respond, “Oh no, no, no. She’s in jail where she belongs.”

1. John Bobbitt

While not as bad as having your d*ck eaten by a dog or ripped off with fingernails, what Lorena Bobbitt did to her husband will forever remain the definitive story of vengeful castration. Just say the name “Bobbitt” to anyone, and we guarantee the first thing they think of is a chopped-off dong. But for those of you who don’t remember, here’s a little refresher: In June of 1993, John Bobbitt came home after a night of drinking and, according to trial testimony, proceeded to rape his wife, Lorena.

After the purported rape, she got up from bed, went to the kitchen, found a butcher knife, went back in the room to chopped off more than half of John’s penis. She then took the severed piece, got in her car, drove and threw the piece out of the window, into a field. Once she realized what she’d done, she called 911 and the penis was recovered and reattached after a nine hour surgery. Lorena was found “not guilty” because of temporary insanity. The couple finally divorced in 1995. (Hmmm, wonder why…) Oh, and then Mr. Bobbitt went on to do a porno. That was classy.