The Definition of ‘Topless’
December 12, 2008 Posted in Entertainment
Look, non-porn Internet – we need to clear something up… Just because a woman isn’t wearing a top in a photograph does not always mean she’s topless!! Topless is a term that should be used sparingly, only when the appropriate body parts are revealed, not just anytime there’s no shirt involved. But because you constantly call these mere technicalities topless, you’re not just being misleading to your readers, you’re cheapening one of man’s most sacred terms, rendering it meaningless.
Now don’t get me wrong, I understand perfectly the reasons for putting ‘topless’ into headlines as often as possible – it gets the clicks. But that’s not a good reason to desecrate this sacred word. So I’ve decided to define the term as it should be used, for both your readers and mankind.
Here are the rules: If there are no visible nipples, it’s not f**king topless. If she’s covering her boobs with her arm, it’s not topless. If she’s wearing a dangly seashell necklace conveniently placed over her boobs, she’s not F’ing topless. Any variation of “not wearing a top, but nipples are covered” IS NOT TOPLESS!
The only time the term topless should be used is if you can see at least one nipple not covered in any way. (Of course, it’s better if you can see both, but one qualifies the photo as a topless photograph.) Even if she’s technically wearing a shirt (like an unbuttoned blouse), but you can see the nipple(s), that’s topless. (These rules goes for “nude” as well – if everything’s covered, it’s NOT nude.)
Now remember, these rules only apply to photographs, not video. When the image is moving, a woman having a top on and not having a top on makes a huge difference in its awesomeness. The same is not true with still photographs.
So please, heed these words and help us save our beloved ‘topless.’ God and your readers will thank you.
Click thumbnail to view full image – Can you guess which are topless (NSFW) and which aren’t?
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OMG You guys are the worst offenders at this. Half the time I click an outgoing link on one of your massive links posts and read topless its some chick with boobs you can't see at all.
Also another thing why do you refuse to show uncensored boobies? Your entire website essentially boils down to a site that links to naked chicks, sure there are some articles or some chicks with clothes on, but I don't understand why you wont show naked girls, but will link to them all day? Its not like this is some family site or something, this is a site for college dudes to masturbate to pictures of hot chicks, with the occasional funny article. Your like playboy without the tits. I am not saying you should turn into a porn site, but on articles like this don't hide the boobies behind stars. I don't think anyone in your audience would be offended if there where topless images hosted on your site
What Brad said.
You've missed the'point', the're both wearing panties.!
Brad your rad. Good point.
It seems to me that this conundrum has a pretty easy fix. If a girl merely has her top removed, while still covered with a bra, her hands, a sheet, etc. the photo should be deemed 'Shirtless'. If nudity that would be considered Not Safe For Work (I.E. Nipples) can be seen, the photo should be deemed 'Topless'.
For example, say someone takes a picture of Jane Doe tanning without a bikini at the beach, but she has her back to the camera so that no one can see anything explicit. That photo is a 'Shirtless' photo. However, if she turns to face the camera, the photo becomes "Topless".
The system isn't perfect, but someone has to put a stop to this insanity.