Call me a sick son-of-a-b*tch, but there are few things I love more than a good unfortunate/unexpected sh*t story. And by unfortunate/unexpected, I mean the kind of situation that is made extremely complicated and uncomfortable due to an unexpected bowel movement. The following is a totally true account of perhaps the greatest sh*t story ever. (The names and places have been changed to protect the innocent and the guilty. If you are easily offended, now is a good time to stop reading)
My friend Tim, (yes my FRIEND Tim, not me) was in LA a couple of years ago for the UT-USC Rosebowl game. After Texas’ big win, Tim and his buddies threw back a couple of monster burritos and hit the town for a few celebratory drinks and a little action. See where this is going?
Well, the few drinks became many, and the many became more. Tim was feeling plenty good and started talking it up with a sexy pseudo-Suicide Girl hanging out at the bar (we’ll call her Trinity). The two hit it off famously, downing shot-after shot until she finally asked him back to her place. It was on.
Four hours later, Tim woke up startled and disoriented to a horrific odor that was unfortunately all too familiar. The night before flashed before his eyes – the big burrito dinner, the dozens of Buttery Nipple and Sex on the Beach shots, the super-hot stranger sex and of course, the queezy feeling in his stomach before he passed out cold. “Oh sh*t,” he thought, literally, OH SH*T!
Tim sprang out of the bed in terror realizing that not only had he sh*t a stranger’s bed, but both their naked bodies had been tossing in his burrito-diarrhea for hours. Her bed resembled a crime scene. Thank God she was still asleep.
Tim was always quick on his feet and this situation was no different. Frantic, he grabbed a towel, wiped his body down and with the grace of a painter, dabbed the diarrhea around her nether-region. He quickly threw on his clothes and grabbed the pen and paper to write a note.
The note read:
“Trinity, you should be ashamed of yourself. You are the most disgusting human being I have ever met in my life. GET SOME HELP!”
Tim quietly placed the note on her bedside table, grabbed his coat and slipped out the front door, completely off the hook. Needless to say, he never saw Trinity again.
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Tucker Max wrote this exact same story in “I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell.”
I call bullshit. Come up with your own material.
I know ‘Tim’ and the story absolutely is true. It didn’t happen 2 years ago or in LA, but it did happen and it was way before Tucker Max’s book. For Reals.
Plagiarism.
Well then…since someone on the internet who says he is a “friend of Tim” says so, that is confimration that it is true! What we were thinking calling bullshit! There is no wya you could be lying.
No, but relaly…it is bullshit. And kind of sad that there are people in the world who have to make up shit like this to get attention. Also, it is a poor comedy writer’s tool to have o pretend that their fiction is real in order for it to be funny.
Who is to say tucker max didn’t lift this story from Tim? He seems like such a stand up guy in his book, certainly incapable of doing anything immoral… WTF regardless, it’s a great story.
Someone is totally lying here—-I want proof of who wrote this tall tale first….this is total infringement….
This happened to someone I know years ago only it was at Michigan State and the note read “You pooped. I left.” The original story is better than this copied pile of SH!T
I have a strange – distinct feeling that this is one of those stories that EVERYONE knows someone who this “happened” too. Either there are many people out there with bad drunk sphincter control – or it is one of many social myths.
Take it for its comedic value and leave it at that.
Tucker Max is fake and made up everything he wrote. Not that this is true…just saying.
I took a shit in Tucker Max’s bed.
I’m a Scat Man!
Ski-Bi dibby dib yo da dub dub
Yo dab dub dub
Ski-Bi dibby dib yo da dub dub
Yo dab dub dub
Ski-Bi dibby dib yo da dub dub
Yo dab dub dub
Ski-Bi dibby dib yo da dub dub
Yo dab dub dub
I fucked a goat.
I have heard this story from another source as well from the mid-90s. Must be an urban legend.
who told it first, Tucker Max or Tim? How about neither. This story is as old as the hills, oooooooold urban legend. I’m sure that something similar really has happened in the past, but I remember hearing this one when I was in high school, which was some time ago.
While I do read tucker max stories, lazerwolf is right. Tucker’s shit is all bullshit.
tucker max is a bitch
This is the same exact story at every college in the world. The name just changes. Comon guy, be a little creative. This is the same exact shit with the guy who pulled out too quick and got shit on or the kid who took shrooms and kidnapped a child thinking it was a troll…………….
really who the fuck cares if it’s fake or not, so go back to jerking it to Tucker Max stories fags.
My point wasn’t that Tucker Max should take the credit you fucking tools. It’s that the story is complete bullshit.
the tucker story is the ‘anal with too much lube’ one. if he had this one as well, it’s in his book. it’s definitely not on the web. idiots.