How To Visit a Sex Shop

If you haven’t already gone, you have to visit a sex shop. They are full of interesting toys, books, and movies. You’re in college to learn and sex should be part of your education. One wants to know how to do it well, and the resources found at sex shops can help you achieve top performance in the bedroom. Think of sex shops as the sex educational library, except these books and movies you can’t return, but who would want to do that?

I have been going to sex shops since I was eighteen. I have taken several friends on their maiden voyages to the sex shop. We walk the aisles, discussing the hilarious titles of porn and commenting on how extreme the toys can be. Through my extensive research I have composed some guidelines to successfully navigating a sex shop.

Check out How To Visit a Sex Shop after the jump!

Rule 1: Know where you are going
It was my friends eighteenth birthday and we decided to go to the sex shop. This was my first time and her’s too. We didn’t know where the sex shop was in our area but we knew we had one from upper-classmen at our school. This was before Google maps made it so easy to locate businesses and such. We got in my car after school and drove to the area we thought it was located near.

The sex shop was not there. I was so desperate because we had talked it up all day at school that I called information and asked for listings for sex shops. The operator thought it was a joke and disconnected us. Needless to say, a couple of phone calls to older brothers and upper-classmen gave way to a specific location and we discovered the blacked out door that hid the sex shop.

Rule 2: Identify yourself
You have to have an ID to get into a sex shop. Have it ready and waiting to prove you are of age. Once it is presented you will have to answer three questions asked by a sphinx, just kidding.

Rule 3: Take you time
Make sure you give yourself browsing time. Think of the dvds and vibrators as flowers in a garden, and you should stop and smell the roses. Which means just take your time and look at everything, don’t literally smell that sh*t.

Rule 4: Bring cash
If you decide to purchase anything, my suggestion would be cash. Not that you should be ashamed but it might be difficult to explain a 75 dollar purchase at “Dirty Willie’s Sexy Sex Shop.” And that is not an exaggeration. Porn is expensive so bring more than twenty bucks if you want quality.

Rule 5: Be collected
Its one thing to chuckle at funny titles and ridiculous toys. It is another to laugh uncontrollably because you are a child with an id. Keep your cool. Ron Burgundy told you to “stay classy, San Diego” and you had better do that.

Follow those five lose guidelines and you should be able to survive your first sex shop visit and not look like a freaking toolbag.

(Image: Flickr)