Hadron Collider is On and We are Still Here!

By Rob

…Dammit…

I was hoping for a large gaping black hole that would only suck up Creationists and whiny hippies bitching about the collider’s affect on global warming and the f*cking manatee. At the very least, it should suck up the French right? Alas, no such luck.

The Large Hadron Collider – a $9 billion particle accelerator designed to simulate conditions of the Big Bang that created the physical Universe – was switched on at 0732 GMT to cheers and applause from experts gathered to witness the event.

While observers were left nonplussed by the anticlimactic flashing dots on a TV screen that proved the machine’s successful test run, among teams of scientists involved around the world there were jubilant celebrations and popping champagne corks. Meanwhile, crazies across the world were disappointed that anarchy and destruction had not reigned free. For sure God was going to strike us down for getting too close to the secret? Of course not, He was much too busy creating hurricanes to destroy us.

Hahahahahahaha…*tear*…oh, that God is such a purist – blackhole-shmackhole – nothing beats a good storm!