Dear Smile Train,

I know you’re trying to do the right thing. But your cleft lip kid ad campaign sucks and it’s not f**king working. Sure, we’ve all seen it glaring at us from corners of the screen–poor, big-eyed kids with their faces torn up for no reason, giant white print pleading “A click of a mouse can save his life.” And I know that’s supposed to be good for your cause.

But because of some ill-advised idea to put your ads on sites devoted to pictures of hot girls, not only do I not click on the ad, I close the whole damn window. Not that I don’t get what you’re trying to do. But the contrast is such a shock, it doesn’t make me want to help, it just makes me want to run.

Now you might think I’m just shallow and inconsiderate to those less fortunate, but you’re completely missing the point–I think you’re doing a good deed, and completely support your mission. But by seeing your ads on male-lifestyle Sites, it’s like having your mom walk in on you having sex–or worse, like having a poor kid with a cleft lip walk in while you’re having sex. It kills the mood–and any chance of me clicking on your ad.

See, us men consider some pages “no real world” zones, where the women are always sexy, everyone’s happy, and nobody has a g*ddamned cleft lip. That’s why we’re there–to enjoy ourselves. Not to be bombarded with other’s calamities.

Damnit, can’t we get just a minute when everything’s not on the line? Just a few, a pinch of time to whip up a batch and get on to more important matters–like donating money. Just leave the horrible realities of life for the news Sites. That’s all we’re sayin’.

I’ll agree that you have a good cause, and I think people should help you help lots of young people, but  don’t mix my worlds. Please, for your good, the kids’ good and the good of men everywhere, don’t let sad children and soft-core mix. Both are too important to make me not want to look at either.

(Image: Smile Train)