If I Had A Million Dollars, I’d Buy A Ton Of Cocaine

By COED Staff

In the early nineties, Barenaked Ladies frontman Steven Page promised (in song no less) that he’d buy me and every other lady ever lots of frivolous and unnecessary items like a llama, Art Garfunkel and a monkey.

Looks like he forgot all about the little ditty that made his band famous and spent the money buying a ton of cocaine and marijuana. Page was arrested in New York last week for possession of a controlled substance.

The best part? When the cops showed up, Page and his female friend tried to hide the mound of coke under a napkin. I can’t believe that didn’t work! That’s how I hid a quarter pound of parmesan cheese when I spilled it at Pizza Hut 10-years ago. I guess the Syracuse PD are a little more thorough than the hapless staff at my local “Italian bistro.”

The news of this arrest is disappointing but not exactly surprising. Despite putting out a very good last effort and a popular kids album, Barenaked Ladies have been trying to run away from irrelevancy since “Pinch Me.” It looks like it finally caught up to them.

Page is out of jail already after paying $10,000 for bail. He is due back in court on Thursday and with the evidence against him, this may not go so well.

Remember Steve; they don’t serve Kraft Dinner in prison…unless Kraft Dinner is a very unfortunate euphemism for cellmate stabbings/rape.

[Photo. CTV.ca]