Canada Owns America!

By Steve

WTF is this all aboot?! If you’ve ever seen an episode of South Park you know that Canada has always lived in America’s shadow. But now it seems that our neighbors to the north are owning us in some pretty important caragories: wealth, happieness and sex.

A recent study shows that Canadians work less, live longer, enjoy better health, are wealthier, and have more sex than Americans. For instance, Canada’s median family household income clocks in at US$122,000; in America, it’s $93,000. Yeah, we felt sick to our stomachs, too.

Go ahead and verifty the numbers for yourself, but remember: although Canadians are wealthier, happier and have more sex, America’s got the nukes (Canada doesn’t), Canada runs on the metric system (practicality is lame); they only gained their independence from England in 1982 (thought they still have to vow allegiance to Queen Elizabeth). Canada doesn’t have the tropical weather of Hawaii, Guam, Puerto Rico or southern Florida. The Canadian football league sucked–and we stole hockey and John Candy!

Check out South Park’s episode “Canada on Strike” featuring Stephen Abootman here!