He Said/She Said: Paying on the First Date

Picking up the tab on the first date is always an awkward moment. Do you offer? Do you just sit there looking around the room and wait for him to take it? What do your actions say about you as a person? In this week’s He Said/She Said, we dive into first date etiquette. Who should be grabbing their wallet?

He Said:
Paying on the first date is completely inconsequential to me. I seriously don’t care. If I asked you out, then me paying makes sense to me, based only on logic. However, if she wants to pay, that’s fine, too. It doesn’t make me feel like any less of a man. Especially if I’ve somehow tricked some super-employed high powered lady into dating me (bonus!).

What I really hate is games being played with money/forced confusion. If you want to pay, then pay. If you don’t want to pay but want to seem like you want to pay, be careful. Don’t expect me to be all ‘oh no let me get it,’ after you say you’re covering it. I’m gonna sit there and look pretty. Also, women who expect the guy to pay every time, at all locations, and for all activities are pretty damn unattractive. It’s 2008, and I’m just as broke as you.

Ok I got a little off topic but basically, I really don’t care. In my experience, it makes no difference to the overall relationship and isn’t a ’signal flag’ to me for anything except ’she wants to pay tonight,’ or ’she doesn’t want to pay tonight.’

She Said:
I always offer to pay on the first date. When the bill comes I reach down towards my bag and fiddle around for my wallet.

But I never actually expect the guy to take me up on it.

Yeah, you can hate me.

Don’t get me wrong; I realize it is 2008 and saying this will probably take my gender back about 100 years, but I believe the guy should pay on the first date. Not because it is his job to pay, but because if the guy asks me out, that is him saying he wants to take me out. That means he is going to treat.

I am not completely opposed to paying; I went out with a law student deep in debt and split the split the bill with him on date number one. What I am completely opposed to, however, is the guy who expects me to pay and makes no attempt at being chivalrous. Like the guy I went out with who ordered an obscene amount of food, took home all the leftovers and then told me that my wine was really expensive and I’d have to contribute to the bill.

What!? That glass of wine was $7, douchebag.

It may not be right, but when a guy goes out on a first date he should expect that he is going to pay. And if he doesn’t expect it I hope he doesn’t expect to get a second date, either, because there are many girls who won’t give him the chance.

[Photo courtesy of Teamsugar.com]