COED Rant: Jewelry Sucks

I need to say this. Jewelry sucks. And I hate buying it for women and I think I’m done buying it forever–at least until I decide to get engaged. Honestly, is there a more useless thing on this planet then jewelry?

Completely ignoring the entire system of imbalance that permeates men/women romantic relationships when it comes to gift-giving and buying dinner etc, could I please get you something else? Something worthwhile. Something that doesn’t cost a fucking arm and leg to prove to you that I’m into you as a person?

Here’s some reasons why jewelry is stupid.

1. Cost. It’s NEVER worth it. Jewelers are laughing all the way to the bank anytime one of us suckers buys their over-priced shiny sh*t.

2. The suggestion that jewelry is the best way to show a girl I’m really into her makes all females seem like complete zombies and that cash worth is directly linked to seriousness of relationship.

3. Why is that on those holiday’s where men are supposed to buy women jewelry and we get stuff like DVDs, and socks and crap. Maybe I want a giant gold chain with a platinum gun on it. Maybe I want a pinky ring. If you get jewelry then I was some goddamn bling. If I’m getting you a necklace, buy me a grill.

4. Africa diamond trade, anyone?

5. Most of it looks completely gaudy and idiotic and all of it is completely pointless. Literally rocks that catch light well. All assignments we associate with different rocks as symbols come from the people trying to sell you the rocks.

So that’s it: I’m never going to buy a single piece of jewelry again. Let’s graduate to stuff that actually does something. If I’m in a serious relationship with a girl, and we are exchanging expensive gifts, I’d rather get her a bike or a cell phone or something that actually has a practical function then something that is supposed to symbolize my love for her, because the people that own Zales and Tiffany’s says it does. You sell rocks and you’re obsolete.

Stop buying jewelry, BREAK THE CYCLE.

(Image source: Midwest Jewelry)