Payback’s A Bitch: Crazy College Chick Gets 5 Years For Branding One-Night-Stand

In a victory for promiscuous men everywhere, a court sentenced 23-year-old Kristina Caban five years in prison for branding a guy for not calling her back after they had sex. New York Supreme Court Justice Michael Obus, who ruled over the decision, called Caban’s freak-out violence “not remotely justifiable.”

But this wasn’t just some heat-of-the-moment branding. The Assistant District Attorney says Caban, a photography student, was the “mastermind” behind a plot to burn a 4-inch “R” into her 2004 one-stint lover, Samir “Sammy” Sara, while her now-boyfriend and another dude held him down.

From CNN:

Assistant District Attorney Nicole Blumberg told Obus that Caban was the “mastermind behind the plan” to sear the torso of Samir “Sammy” Sara, then 23, for having sex with her once in 2004 and never calling her again.

Caban enlisted new boyfriend Robert Testagrossa to help brand a four-inch-high “R” on Samir’s abdomen in October 2006, the prosecutor said. She said Caban lured the former lover to a hotel room, where Testagrossa and another man grabbed him.

Blumberg said the men used a Taser to immobilize Sara in a room at the Chelsea Inn while Caban laughed at his distress and kicked him while he was down.

The branding “iron” was actually a length of metal wire fashioned into a “R” — heated, and applied to Samir’s torso, said Tracy Golden of the Manhattan district attorney’s office. She said prosecutors did not know what the “R” stood for.

Ok, I thought I’d dated some crazy girls, but this one takes the cake. That’s not just normal girl crazy, that’s straight-up psychotic. Which is why I’m happy she’s off the streets. We don’t need that kind of girl in the dating pool.