Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull: Worst…Movie…Ever

May 22, 2008 - 2:15 pm By COED Staff

Like an idiot, I decided to go see the first showing of Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull at 12:01AM this morning.

Big mistake!

Last time I saw a 12:01AM showing was the opening of Cloverfield, and it was great. The theater was packed, people were hyped…I even bought $6 popcorn. So I expected great things for the release of Indiana Jones, but come show-time I was only one of nine other people in the massive amphitheater.

Overall fan excitement aside, the movie felt like a generic and tired version of the past three Indy flicks, but more lame. The blatant overuse of CGI makes the movie look airbrushed. Shia Leboeuf plays a unconvincing and fruity 50’s greaser. And it hurts me to say, but 65-year-old Harrison Ford can’t make action movies work anymore.

*Spoiler Alert!*

In the (merciful) finale, the crystal alien skull is placed inside an ancient Inca temple. The temple turns into an alien spacecraft and Kate Blanchett spontaneously combusted. The end!

Steven Spielberg, I want a refund!

Honestly, I had trouble staying awake during this one, so I’d suggest you go out and rent Raiders of the Lost Ark, and pretend this franchise didn’t just go down in flames.

Josh says:
Thu, 22nd May 2008 3:04 pm

That… that has to be a joke right? This is just some scam to screw with fans’ heads. I mean you accidently walked into a showing of A.I. or something… right?

ryan says:
Thu, 22nd May 2008 4:01 pm

Luckily not many people agree with your inane review. And who the hell puts spoilers before the link for the rest of the story?

crampo says:
Fri, 23rd May 2008 1:37 pm

this ‘review’ doesn’t do a thing
is that how you judge a movie by? can’t people watch a movie with a little bit more depth?

A says:
Fri, 23rd May 2008 2:01 pm

Really?? I liked it. I was highly entertained.

jill says:
Fri, 23rd May 2008 2:28 pm

yeah this coming from someone who loved cloverfield

Lauren says:
Fri, 23rd May 2008 3:17 pm

Yeah.. and you liked Cloverfield?

PS, it’s Cate Blanchett and Steven Speilberg.

nicole says:
Fri, 23rd May 2008 3:35 pm

okay…first? its spelled LABEOUF.
this review is terrible. where did you go?
i also went to the midnight showing and the theatre was PACKED. there were people sitting on the floor. soo, i dunno where you were..
LOL@ unconvincing and fruity. yeah, okay. id like to see you act in a move with legends like harrison and hold your own. shia did amazing.

Jill says:
Fri, 23rd May 2008 5:23 pm

I saw the movie. I like it and plan on seeing it again. I don’t know why you are bashing a movie but it’s said how people in Hollywood have gotten so dishonest.

kate says:
Sat, 24th May 2008 12:48 am

I agree. I thought it was terrible! And I’m a huge fan of the Indy series. Just plain sucked. It didn’t jive at all with the other films. I can’t judge this as a standalone which some seem to be doing.

Amin says:
Sat, 24th May 2008 6:15 am

I am 29 years old an i wne home almost crying, sad about the fact that hollywood actually killed my childhood hero.
There was no soul in the movie and it is all because of the fact that 3d animation is to available .

Amin

Saida says:
Sat, 24th May 2008 8:57 am

It’s ABSOLUTELY amazin!!!!
OMG, it was soooooooo AWESOME!!
O live harrison, SHIAAAAA i love ya!!!!
And spielbirg did the good job!!
GO to the theatres and see this move with YOUE own eyes!!! Its somthin greatfull!!!!
And this review is sooo boring!!
I cant understan, you saw this movie with open eyes or you was a lil bit sleepe??? hhhaaa..;))
100% HIT OF THE SEASON!!!

Amin says:
Sat, 24th May 2008 9:27 am

LOL saida, have you even seen the other Indiana movies??
Or did you just think was a new movie with no background, similar to Jumper wich also was the crap of the year.. no story, just special effects.

100% hit of the season??
Well, it must be great to be so easily amused…

Jennifer says:
Sat, 24th May 2008 11:44 pm

But for an 8 year old boy who is an Indiana Jones fan, this movie was great.

Kevin says:
Sun, 25th May 2008 7:27 pm

Is the idiot who wrote this review the same one who looked forward to seeing Speed Racer? The movie was a little cheesy at parts but so were all of the other Indiana Jones movies. Your idea of action movies must be those shaky cam shit films that never stop with the continuous moronic screaming and no real story behind them that can only be satisfying to audiences with no attention span.