How I Killed a Guy: A True Story
May 22, 2008 Posted in Features, Guy's Room
The whole mess started on a regular workday—computer, phone, cubicle, all that. I had a new employee, “Tiff,” who I had to start training that morning. “Whoopee!” I thought sarcastically, leaning back my chair. Then she walked in.
About six-feet tall, great body, ok grill-piece–but her curves smoothed over any visible flaws. Like every girl in NYC who’s six-feet tall, she was an “aspiring model.”
Less than 15 minutes after I started training her, she pops a flash drive into my computer, with over 100 pictures of her in sexy lingerie, some spread shots. All amateur, but not bad to look at–and NFSW, any way you put it.
Two weeks went by, and we began to realize that this girl totally oversold herself on her resume, and fooled us on the interview. How she got away with it I don’t F’ing know–her common sense and intelligence just weren’t there.
One day, she gets caught on YouTube, so the boss snatches her Internet privileges. An hour later, she hands me a letter saying the “Big” boss was sexually harassing her, going into explicit detail of his lewd comments and her “inappropriately touched” upper thigh.
Not believing her bullsh*t, I took the letter to HR, who’s people immediately started an internal investigation.
Two days later, Tiff is in the cafeteria, yapping with other staff members about how she “staged the entire thing” with a guy that worked on the 69th floor of our office building, and that “this was the fifth firm we will have taken down” on bogus sexual harassment charges.
I missed the whole thing. But after my close friend, Harry, who was there for her idiotic bragging, explained the story to me, I got his witness account in writing, and handed it in to HR.
Being a prestigious financial firm in the Empire State Building, we hired private investigators to find some dirt on this girl, Tiff. If she was telling the truth, we would deal with it accordingly. If she was lying, she would be dealt with, too.
Not long into their investigation, the P.I.s spotted her exiting the building with a 30-something guy. They followed the two as they climbed in his black BMW, and drove away.
First, the lawyer took Tiff home. Then the P.I.s followed him back to his place. Once they had his address, they realized that he was an attorney, from a firm in our building, on the 69th floor.
After a little more digging, they revealed that this attorney was already under investigation for various car insurance rear-end scams–and filed three suits for sexual harassment, with Tiff as his client, and two cases that settled out of court.
As the HR people wrapped up their investigation, model-genius Tiff, who lied on her resume but told the truth about committing a felony, is called in for questioning.
With the pile of evidence against her on the table, she cracked—confessed everything, talked frantically of pressing charges against us for extortion, burst into tears and ran out of the office.
Next day, the giant clock in front of my desk read exactly 2:05 P.M., in bright red digital numbers; it was Friday the 13th.
Just then, someone from Tiff’s attorney’s firm came to our office, quietly handed us an envelope, and left—inside was a letter demanding our firm cough-up $10,000 so their firm wouldn’t “move forward with a sexual harassment lawsuit.”
Now, you have to understand that this is not how a lawyer would handle a legitimate sexual harassment case. Ordinarily, they’d just serve you a summons and see your ass in court. This was extortion, plain and simple.
I gave my bosses the letter, and by the time the clock read 2:13 P.M., our company’s P.I. had called the law firm that served us the letter, telling them of all the dirt they’d dug up on their firm’s employee. He urged them to file a suit against Tiff’s attorney, warning that the extortion charges that my company was about to file would crumble their already struggling law firm.
At 2:25 P.M., I happened to be down on the street, smoking a cigarette with a co-worker. Out of the blue, I hear “Splat,” followed by piercing, vivid screams of fear and nauseous anxiety.
Suddenly, I saw two girls running down the side of the street with blood and muscle tissue covering their faces. And I just walked around, asking myself what the hell was going on.
In the confusion, my buddy told me to turn around. I did, and there it was: A severed human leg on the concrete–no shoe, just a leg from the knee down, in a sock, with blood and human flesh liquefied on the surrounding sidewalk.
Tourists were screaming, and I saw a few women in tears. The police were holding back the crowd.
Needing to get back to work, I left them all to gawk at the gore, and walked back inside.
“Friday the 13th, all right,” I thought when the shock wore off, as I headed back to my desk, and then home for the weekend, a few hours later.
Monday morning, I Googled “Dude jumps off Empire State Building,” and found the article I was looking for, right off the bat. I clicked on the link. Immediately, a frigid chill ran up my spine: The Leg had belonged to Tiff’s Attorney.
According to the newspaper article, after the P.I. called with talk of extortion and disbarment, the guy just got up in the middle of a meeting, and jumped out the f*cking window.
“Sources say the attorney received a phone call in middle of a meeting Friday, hung up, opened an office window and jumped to his death, from the 69th floor,” read the article.
“Only the severed leg reached street level, with the rest of the body left splattered on the building platform on the 30th floor”
I sat at my desk, breathing heavy, not knowing what to do. All I could think was, “Wow, I killed that guy. If I hadn’t turned in that dumb b*tch’s letter, he might still be alive.” Needless to say, that was the last time I handed over anything to HR.
*Names have been changed or omitted to protect the innocent and respect the dead.
Editor’s Update: Ok, the cat’s out of the bag on this one, so I’ve updated some of the details to match the news articles posted, since having them not match now is just confusing. Good investigative work, by the way…Enjoy.
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go damn that was a good read, keep 'em coming.
and also, anyone who knows that cunt greg from real world hollywood, please lynch him and his family. he is scum and needs to be raped…raped first, videotaped too
its greg halstead
I'm with the others – you didn't kill anyone, he killed himself, both literally and metaphorically. I mean, to continually run scams like that takes a toll on you. Unless you're cold as ice the guilt will get to you. Maybe he wasn't feeling guilty scamming companies, but he sure as hell would be feeling the guilt when his mom found out (or wife, father, kids, whoever else).
He couldn't deal with the weight of his own actions and he paid the price.
Haha, well I'm not the one who lied in the article. I'm not going to flame war this with you, but considering you grotesquely embellished the details its hard to take any of this seriously.
There was almost nobody outside that day, to the point that when it hit, nobody saw it for a few minutes. all we heard was the sound it made. It hit right on the other side of one of those concrete flowerpots near the 33rd and 5th entrance where people smoke, so the only thing anyone knew was the loud CRACK it made when it hit. My first thought was that it was an exhaust backfire or something, because I couldn't see anything. Yeah a crowd gathered after a few minutes (and at one point there was a tour bus that went by, stopped, and people started snapping pictures), but nobody was "splattered in blood and gore." come on man. thats someones life that got lost there. who are you jayson blair?
anyway im sorry you had to deal with this. it was a bad day for me as well. i actually could have been badly hurt if i had been standing closer to it.
my guess is most of the rest of the story is true, but that you weren't outside. not many people were, it was one of those moments on 33rd when there was a lull. if you work in the ESB you know what i mean (it would have been different if it hit on 5th). it took two or three minutes for that other guy to circle the flowerpot and see what it was. definitely nobody got splashed with blood or any of that other wes craven BS. i think your whole thing here of "i made it happen" is really self indulgent and gross, actually.
I remember this incident. I always wondered why. I can't believe they killed themselves over something like disbarment… and it wasn't like that was definitely going to happen. It was only a threat from the PI. There are so many other ways to earn a living.
Crazay!! I heard this from stdromance…com — a std dating site. BUt why?
Dude i was right there man. When the leg hit, man, i was like.. damn… that's a leg, man. that'sa leg for real. and then i was like shit. i need to lose weight. and i went to subway just like that, man. just like that.
The bad spelling and grammar almost killed me.
You sook. You didn't kill him he killed himself… If you hadn't handed the letter in he might be alive…. If he hadn't tried to extort you, you wouldn't have a letter to hand in. If that slut hadn't used him to extort you…
So some useless bastard off-ed himself because he was screwing some bimbo and working with her to extort money out of people. Poor diddums, harden up.
If someone is crazy enough to kill themselves it's many things: Sad, insane, hard to understand. But it's never your fault.
I think you did the right thing there. I would see the events of that day in which you were involved as relatively unrelated to the suicide. A normal scammer would hardly throw themselves out the window.
Like the old saying goes, "This is my story and im sticking to it". Yea I may Omitted some info and switched some floors to try to make it harder to find out this guys Identity, Cats out the bag so might as well say Moshe Kanovsky thats his name. I may not work at ESB but do business enough their to know that on a sunny day on the 33rd street side exit where the planters and the ashtrays are that is a smokers area.
It is also a Skyride Area, A tourist bus Stop, Across the stree their is a Comic book store, strip club and about 3 underground Jerk Off Parlors. This area is never empty fact 1.
Also Friday afternoons in April that year was pretty damn nice nice enough that i was right on that side of the street smoking a cigarette with a buddy of mine. If you spend enough time at ESB and actually looked at the building or have done any reasearch you would know that only about thirty something people actually killed them selves their..
also This was the first account of a body part actually making it to street level. Its almost impossible to jump off the Empire state building and Land on the street. Not almost Actually is impossible unless you have some sort of float suit or an awsome hand glider.
This guy didnt even make it all the way only a leg did that was severed when his body hit the platform leaving him flat as a pancake.(pictures of this were on the web for a while but were removed never to be found)
So his leg is cut off and makes it to floor level landing flat and drained of allthe muscle and tissue as you see clearly in the picture in the article..
And you tell me ther was no blood on the streets? were did the blood go bro? was it drained from his entire body like the Famous "Ice Truck Killer" in the Showtime Original Hit Series "DEXTER" that we all know and love from HBO's "Six Feet Under"(availiable on dvd at your local virgin megastores).
NO BRO..
YOUR WRONG
and you were not their bro because you got the best Fact of them all wrong
IT WAS FRIDAY THE THIRTEENTH!!!!(**insert Garden of Eden Song****)
you werent their bro you were probably at the Jerk off Parlor Acrosss the street… no disrespect though bro much love and thanks for reading the story Brother.
What is a grill-piece.. do you work at a barbecue store?? Sorry, but English is my first language.
Good job. 1 less lawyer.
English is my Second Language but Grill Piece means Face.. (eg. that girl has a fucked up grill piece)
sometimes its funner to say than Face.
Right, a struggling depressed low-tier part-time lawyer (who doubles as a substitute rabbi) driving a BMW around Manhattan. Don't buy it.
I'm all for lowlifes offing themselves, but that selfish son of a bitch could have killed an innocent person who was just walking by the building at the wrong time.
Makes me wish I believed in hell.
-jcr
Video footage of the guy jumping: http://youtube.com/watch?v=zaVCWZGiXyA
I believe it. What a messed up world. I think if he did not have a mental illness he probably would not have gotten mixed up in the scam and decided to jump. Also, he would be getting jail time and his booty call would not be the 6' chick– it's be a 6' convict!!!!!
Here's an article detailing the screaming and crying from eye-witnesses.
http://www.nydailynews.com/news/2007/04/14/2007-0…
'“Wow, I killed that guy. If I hadn’t turned in that dumb b*tch’s letter, he might still be alive.'
They were partners, so don't you mean “Wow, I killed that dumb asshole. ?
why would you wait for a year to write this up?
See? People in HR are evil and cause bad things to happen. Just like Toby.