Florida to Split In Two, Tampa to Become Independent Pedophile Nation

By COED Staff

Northern Florida, it would seem, is pissed. In a report released today, the North Lauderdale City Commission has sent out resolutions to 306 Florida counties asking them to join them in an attempt to split the state into North Florida and South Florida.

From the North Lauderdale City Commission press release:

Call it the South Florida “Boston Tea Party”, North Lauderdale City Officials have had enough and are not going to take it anymore.

The North Lauderdale City Commission passed a resolution requesting that Florida be divided into two States…North Florida and South Florida with the boundary line from Palm Beach County down through Monroe County and is encouraging Palm Beach, Broward, Dade and Monroe Counties to join in the quest for a separation of the State of Florida.

“This has been going on far too long. We are here trying to give good service to our residents at the cheapest possible costs and we keep getting hammered by the State Legislatures,” Mayor Jack Brady said. “We believe South Florida has many different issues than those in North and Central Florida and yet we all get put into the same frying pan together….local officials are the closest to the people and we have to do what is right for our citizens.”

I have no idea what real issues Florida faces, North or South, other than what I learned from Scarface and their ability to hold elections. Maybe it has something to do with Cuban refugees or bikinis and roller-skates–I don’t know.

My best guess is that it’s because of all of Tampa’s kid-f*cking teachers. So, if I were the North Lauderdale City Commission, I’d make sure to zone Tampa out of their new state. Either that, or try to enroll in the school system.