Rocket Scientists Want To Know If You’re Hiring

It seems that even rocket scientists can not escape today’s economic uncertainty. In an already slowing job market, NASA announced that their plan to retire the space shuttle in 2010 could result in over 8000 lost jobs.

Art history majors across the country may soon have more than just former Bear Stearns employees and Hillary Clinton campaign staffers to worry about when applying for that job at Starbucks.

There is just no way to pad your resume enough when you are up against a former NASA employee, someone who has probably gotten closer to an actual ’star’ than you ever will.

To make matters worse, NASA employees may have falsely gotten their hopes up when Google decided to play an April fools prank and announce their plan to privately fund the colonization of Mars called “Project Virgle.”

Out of 8000 employees, at least one or two must have had their resume stamped and ready to mail until they looked at the calendar. Be careful, Google. These are the same people who accidentally threatened the planet with that spy satellite full of toxic gas back in January. It is probably best not to make them angry and see what they can threaten us with when they actually try.

What exactly do you do after leaving NASA? Perhaps they can take a cue from retired athletes and become commentators for shuttle launches. Unfortunately with America’s interest in the space program falling somewhere between professional soccer and the NCAA women’s basketball tournament, there is probably only enough room in the budget for one or two. Where can the other 7998 former NASA employees find work? You guessed it: Canada.

The Canadian Space Agency announced this week that they will begin recruiting new astronauts this May. Remember in school when your teacher said that in America you can be anything you want when you grow up, including an astronaut? Well she forgot to mention achieving the American dream may require moving to Canada.