There are so many things in our society that need to be updated to meet today’s ever-changing societal norms. Unfortunately, there are so few organizations out there with their fingers on the throbbing pulse of the world’s youth culture. Luckily, one of those organizations is the Catholic Church! Not since “Buddy Christ” has there been such an eye-opening revelation into today’s culture.

It’s good to know the Church has priests out there who are able to take their hands and get a full, round-the-shaft grip of modern society and our new vices.

After 1500 years, the Catholic Church has “updated” their 7 deadly sins – pride, envy, gluttony, lust, anger, greed, sloth – to include 7 new instances, such as:

Polluting
Genetic Engineering
Being Obscenely Rich
Drug Dealing
Abortion
Pedophilia
Causing Social Injustice

Some non-Catholics in the office decided that we should try and find the Deadly Sins that the Church swept under the rug. Like the gnostic gospels and little league baseball, there are some things the Catholic Church tries to ignore – but late at night, when the mood strikes them, there is no avoiding.

The 7 Deadly Sins Omitted by the Catholic Church after the jump.

MOLESTATION BY A PRIEST

Unfortunately, this speaks for itself. No more commentary needed.

PROTECTING FALSE PRIESTHOOD

When somebody commits a heinous act, the law is hell-bent to throw the book at them – unless said person is a priest. Then, no worries!

MARRIAGE

This is ironic, considering. A bit naive, are we?

NO CONDOMS FOR AFRICA

Sadly, this is also pretty self-explanatory…or is it?

HYPOCRISY

Money is the root of all evil…unless it’s laundered through the Vatican!

NAZI POPE

A former Hitler Youth member is running the Catholic Church, and now Christian Laws that have stood for over 1500 years are being revamped. Hmmmmmmm…

AMENDING THE BIBLE

Yeah…isn’t amending God’s Word a bit, well, blasphemous in itself? Just saying.

(This article is meant to speak to the open hypocricy of most “closed communion” organized religions. It just so happens that Catholicism makes it so damn easy. If you are offended, please ask yourself why? Satire is meant to be reflectionary. Via con Dios !)