Airborne, I’m Ashamed To Have Ever Bought You

I cannot stand getting sick. About a month ago, I caught a vicious flu bug and completely denied its existence in my system until I woke up one Sunday morning hallucinating and unable to stand.Had I only taken more Airborne….my feverish mind reasoned as my roommate and I raced to the emergency room…I would be completely healthy right now…

Well, it turns out, I could have popped one hundred little Airborne tablets and it probably wouldn’t have made an ounce of difference (it also turns out that if you’re crazy sick and in an emergency room, crawling onto the floor and lying there gets you in to see a doctor way ahead of everyone else).

The makers of the popular take-it-and-you-won’t-get-sick tablet have recently settled a class-action lawsuit for $23.3 million, a lawsuit which claims that despite Airborne’s compelling advertising campaign, “There’s no credible evidence that what’s in Airborne can prevent colds or protect you from a germy environment”.

Even though the Food and Drug Administration never gave it’s seal of approval to Airborne, the company promised that people who took their fizzing tablets and gummy chews would be benefiting from a “cold curing” medicine—a statement they later changed to “immune boosting supplement”.

But even the whole “immune boosting” thing may be false. Airborne claimed their product was tested in a “double-blind, placebo-controlled study” that was “conducted with “care and professionalism””, when in actuality, two guys (who started the tests purely for the company’s benefit) without almost any training were in charge of figuring out if Airborne worked.

In 2006, Airborne made over $100 million from people just like me who believed (much too easily) in their ‘magic’ suppliment.

If you’re one of the bagillion suckers who really believed Airborne was going to keep you out of the doctor’s office (or emergency room, if you’re me), you can go here and get yourself a refund.