Heidi Montag Makes Little Orphans Cry

I try to steer clear of letting my opinion on music get in the way of being a peaceable guy. Art is objective, and there’s no possible way to gauge what’s truly good or bad – until now.

Pop stars churn out forgettable ditties faster than I jerk it (lightning speed), but this trend has gone too far: Heidi Montag, a chick who’s known for nothing worth mentioning (besides being attractive enough to bone), has decided that yes, a career in music is so hot right now. So. Hot. Right. Now.

Now I’m not down with the latest Trash TV happenings, but this has to be “up there” in terms of sheer stupidity. We have enough no-talent ‘tards running loose in the music industry; Montag phones it in with hopes that nobody notices how fake she is. As hard as I try to focus on something, anything of value, be it a terrible lyric or side boob, my mind simply cannot comprehend what’s happening!

Was this filmed in 1987 on a VHS-C camera? What’s with the Jazz Hands? Does God exist?

I’ve never experienced such a vacant feeling in my life.

I feel dumber now; you deserve to at least feel my equal:

3 Comments on "Heidi Montag Makes Little Orphans Cry"

  1. gargoyle says:
    Mon, 4th Feb 2008  4:13 pm 

    Wow. That is just… just… horrible? No. Appalling? No. Depressing? No. Nauseating? Yes. There we have it. Seeing that makes me want to be ill and retch.

  2. PKreds says:
    Mon, 4th Feb 2008  5:41 pm 

    I no longer want to have sex with her…

    …now I just want to rape her.

  3. P-Crappy says:
    Mon, 4th Feb 2008  7:43 pm 

    I can only hope Scarlett doesn’t suck THAT bad…all of the hotties are trying to sing and limping d*cks everywhere!!!!!

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