People hate anything that’s average, so why settle for anything less than the best? Well, for starters, when money is an issue it’s not a good idea to drop your weekly paycheck on beer (fun, but not smart).

The average Joe – no offense, simple Joes – can’t afford to drink Sierra Nevada all the time. When one wants style on a budget they go Red Stripe or, more often, Heineken.

Something about a Heineken screams good times with good people (not great, mind you, but good). A casual trip down to the local pub for a few beers, leaving home by yourself but nice and buzzed – that’s what a Heineken’s all about.

Heineken does have a distinct taste too, though the distinction is its tastelessness. It’s like drinking slightly-bitter water with suds (and alcohol). Knocking back a 12-pack is not only easy, but kind of dangerous, considering!

You don’t pour a Heine into some fancy Pilsner glass; you drink it lukewarm in the bottle, crying over your ex-girlfriend in a deserted pool hall. Heineken isn’t your girlfriend – it’s your best friend. Sure, he’s rough around the edges, and can be a prick sometimes, but he’s always there for you.

(Really: Heineken can be found everywhere!)

Heineken Lager stats:

Tastes like: sweet water spiked with alcohol

Smells like: an old friend, washed out and skunked

Alcohol content: 5.00%, and be weary – it sneaks up on you!