What’s the Fastest Way to Get Drunk?

By COED Staff

Imagine it’s a Friday night and you are pressed for time. No chance you can show up to the raging kegger sober but it seems like you can’t get wasted fast enough.

So how can you get wasted faster? Beer funnel? Rip double shots? Jungle juice?

Gastroenterologist Dr. Dale Prokupek says that the absorption of alcohol occurs in only one way: “The alcohol has to go across the mucosa and into your blood stream.” Mucosa being the thin mucus membrane found in your mouth, stomach…and in your butt.

Hang on! In your butt?

“You can in fact get drunk by putting beer or alcohol in your butt.”

I don’t know exactly how you’d go about pulling this feat off at the local bar but according to Prokupek it would be extremely easy to get alcohol poisoning using this method, saying “there is no mechanism that says slow you down and stop drinking so the damage will be done almost instantly.”

The alcohol will be absorbed by your hemorrhoids so “you could go from a 0.0 BAL to a 0.4 within 15 – 20 minutes.” Wow. Just wow.

Technically “drinking” through your ass will get you drunk much faster then the conventional ways but it is NOT safe – so don’t try it at home. (If you do, don’t blame me.)

Bottoms up dude!