18 Ways to Tell if Your Girlfriend is a Lesbian

Everybody has that friend who had a girlfriend that turned out to be a lesbian.

Once the “breaking news” is out, the same emotions crop up: devastation followed by intrigue. Is she all about scissoring chicks or does she just want a kinky threesome? Don’t count on any scandalous action: girls who make out when they’re drunk are nine times out of ten not lesbians; they just humor themselves watching guys drool over the prospect.

Unfortunately for most guys in this situation, a hot-and-heavy threesome is not what’s on your girl’s mind. She likes chicks that look like dudes. Nothing is more embarrassing. Sorry, bro.

How do you avoid such an embarrassing incident? You nip it in the bud before it’s too late by looking for the following tell-tale signs.

Ways to tell if your girlfriend is a lesbian:

1. She owns over a dozen Ani Difranco albums…not including live bootlegs.

2. She goes from TiVoing Ellen to waking up earlier than necessary to watch it live.

3. She wants to take a vacation to San Francisco “for the weather.”

4. She starts watching Oxygen daily – and is part of the Oh! online community.

5. Handjobs become infrequent; Blowjobs are nonexistent.

6. She becomes a Roller Derby enthusiast/skater.

7. She misses the days of Lilith Fair.

8. Rent, The Truth About Jane and D.E.B.S. are in constant rotation in her DVD player.

9. She suddenly went from pro-woman to angry feminist.

10. She says “As a woman…” before stating an opinion on anything.

11. Her cute pixie-cut has slowly become less fashionable and more butch.

12. She thinks everybody (besides Green Party lesbian activists) is sexist.

13. She knows who Bernadette Peters is.

14. Her new idol: Janeane Garofalo.

15. She loves flannel and flip flops.

16. She marked The L Word Season 5 premiere on her calendar.

17. Not only does she own a dildo (which gets more action than you), but she owns several dildos of different shapes and sizes – even “silly” ones.

18. She passed the Lesbian Detector Test.

Did we miss any crucial signs? Feel free to chime in with your own.