The 20 Rules of Boozing!

By John

1. Buying someone a drink is five times better than a handshake.
2. A flask engraved with a personal message is one of the best gifts you can ever give. And make sure there’s something in it.
3. The bar clock moves twice as fast from midnight to last call.
4. If you’re going to drink on the job, drink vodka. It’s the no-tell liquor.
5. Asking a bartender what beers are on tap when the handles are right in front of you is the equivalent of saying, “I’m an idiot.”
6. The people with the most money are rarely the best tippers.
7. If you are trading rounds with a friend and he asks if you’re ready for another, always say yes. Once you fall out of sync you will end up buying more drinks than him.
8. Fighting an extremely drunk person when you are sober is hilarious.
9. If you think you might be slurring a little, then you are slurring a lot. If you think you are slurring a lot, then you are not speaking English.
10. Men don’t drink from straws. Unless you’re doing a Mind Eraser,
11. You can tell how hard a drinker someone is by how close they keep their drink to their mouth.
12. Try one new drink each week.
13. The only thing that tastes better than free liquor is stolen liquor.
14. If you owe someone twenty dollars or less, you may pay them back in beer.
15. Learn how to make a rose out of a bar napkin. You’ll be surprised how well it works.
16. Our parents were better drinkers than we are.
17. If she buys you a drink, she likes you.
18. Whoever buys the shot gets the first chance to offer a toast.
19. Never borrow more than one cigarette from the same person in one night.
20. Buying a strange woman a drink is still cool. Buying all her drinks is dumb.