The crotch wars have officially begun…

First, College Candy reported that German perfume company Vulva Original (website NSFW) had concocted the real scent of a woman – a vagina-scented spray for fetishists.

Now the fellas have hit back hard with Tom Ford’s latest fragrance.

Tom Ford’s chemists have struck gold with Black Orchid, the smell of a man’s junk. Because who doesn’t want to smell like sweaty balls all day?

You know when people say, “Oh f*** man, take a shower – you smell like balls”? You can now smell that way all day, on purpose.

Or you can skip a shower or five and get the same effect. Your call.

But which of the fragrances is more “pungent,” or “true to their part” if you will?

In a surprising turn of events Black Orchid reportedly smells more like pansy-ass flowers than raw manhood while Vulva reeks of pissed jeans and sweat. Victory?