The hot tub: thought by many to be the ultimate in places to have sex. It’s comfortable, relaxing, heated – it’s the aquatic equivalent of a vagina! So why should you not have sex in one?

According to studies by a (virgin) urologist, hot tub humping may not be very safe.

The old rumor of man becoming infertile after too many trips to the tub has been proven correct – but how long must you stay in the water? A week? If your testicles have been heated up to a rolling boil, yes – you should probably get out of the hot tub.

It’s also common knowledge that yes, you can get a girl pregnant in a hot tub. Wear a condom, Aquaman, and all of your troubles will be gone.

In other words, don’t let anybody – scientists, urologists, virgins, moms – deprive you of performing the ultimate. As a man it’s your god-given right to experience hot tub sex.

Who buys a hot tub for relaxing anyways?

Just be careful that your parents don’t get to it first – that’s a Greek tragedy in itself.