Bye Bye Britney

I’m not sure about the rest of you but I was really looking forward to seeing Britney Spears‘ performance at the VMA’s this past Sunday. And why not!

By COED Staff

In 2001 Britney shimmied around stage with barely anything on but a giant snake wrapped around her body. Two years later her open-mouth kiss with Madonna was the most talked about girl-on-girl moment since Denise Richards and Neve Campbell showed me what an erection was in Wild Things. And how could I forget the infamous see-through, skin-tone bathing suit that generously displayed her love bags in 2000? Needless to say this 2007 performance had some hype to live up to – and what a perfect time for Britney to have the opportunity.

Since Britney’s last album came out she’s had multiple stints in rehab (which seems to be the new trend for young celebs) and holds two world records: the world’s first 48 hour marriage to Jason Alexander (not from Seinfeld – though I wouldn’t doubt that she’s been “a slave” for him too) and the worlds most obnoxious marriage to Kevin Federline. (In K-fed’s defense I did try to buy his CD. I just couldn’t find it anywhere.)

Brit also plopped out two kids (which get a weekly visit from the good people at Child Protection Services) and went through a mind-boggling G. I. Jane phase. But instead of having the huge comeback performance that could have launched her career back to the top as the princess of pop. It plummeted her career to the princess of poop.

Let’s analyze what went wrong with her performance. I dunno about you but I was expecting a much skinner Britney, instead I got a Britney that looked like she had one to many Super Sized Big Macs.When she performed she looked winded not to mention her performance lacked intensity, enthusiasm, and just flat out entertainment. I think it’s safe to say that the performance is going to go down in history as the end of Britney Spears.

But even though Britney was mostly to blame for her sub par performance I also put a lot of blame on her management team. This was Britney’s last shot to reclaim her top spot in pop and capitalize on a perfect opportunity to do so. But instead of hitting a home run they struck out badly. And I don’t mean struck out like “whiffed” – I mean “struck out, lost control of the bat hitting a fan in the head causing a concussion and 17 stitches.”

If I managed Britney I would have had her ass prepping for this event at least three months in advance. I would have had that bitch on Adkins faster then you can say “Oops I Did It Again,” I would have had her working with a personal trainer three times a day at three hour sessions and lastly I would have done this in Wyoming where she couldn’t get distracted form anyone or anything and more importantly where the paparazzi couldn’t see her progress. This would have made a much bigger impact on her performance with her sudden dramatic loss of weight.

But hey that’s just me – I use common sense, don’t walk into public bathrooms barefoot and never watched the Mickey Mouse Club as a kid. With that said I think it’s safe to say that Britney Spears has brought a whole new meaning to “Hit Me Baby One More Time.”