Sex, Drugs, and College: How to Party Safely

With the return of classes comes the return of dorm hookups, frat parties, beer pong competitions, and keg stands. It’s all fun and games, until someone loses an eye!

I don’t mean to get all Mom on you, but all of us have had at least one partying experience that ends in waking up with a hangover, vowing, “I’m never drinking again. No, seriously. Never again.â€?

Usually, this vow holds up until the next happy hour…

And now that school has started up for most of us and we are finally getting into our college routine, here comes National Campus Safety Awareness Month!

Unfortunately, when it comes to words of warning, cliché advice like “watch how much you drinkâ€? and “don’t go home with strangersâ€? often goes in one ear and out the other, until you find yourself still tipsy, doing the walk of shame back to your dorm.

So, keeping in mind that you won’t be abstaining from alcohol or random hookups all together in the name of campus safety, here are my tips for keeping yourself safe:

Safety in numbers: Before you head out for the night find one of your suitemates or someone in your dorm to plan to head home with later that night. If you’re going to be belligerently drunk, at least have someone to stumble home with! It’s safer than walking back alone, and it’s a good bonding experience too.

Friends don’t let friends drink and text: Drunk-dialing is so 90’s. Now it’s all about the drunk text—a subtle message at 3:27AM asking “hey, you up?â€? (code for, “hey, want to ask me to come over?â€?) Want to avoid day-after awkwardness? Trade cell phones with your roommate. You’ll still have a phone in case of an emergency, but you won’t be able to call that hot girl in your study group.

Don’t drink and screw: I don’t mean to preach; have a good time and hook up by all means, but try to keep the shots to a minimum. It’s a lot easier to regret something (or someone) you did than to regret something or someone you didn’t do. There’s always the next night!

Don’t be afraid to be overly cautious: Not to rain on your parade, but sometimes it pays to be careful. My friend recently told me about a night in college that she went shot-for-shot with her boyfriend. 16 shots later, she was blacking out, and her boyfriend refused to take her to the hospital because he claimed he could handle it. Luckily, she woke up fine, save for not being able to recall about 12 hours, but uh, don’t do that.

If your friend is laying in a pool of his own vomit and looks like death, at least consider getting some help for him instead of propping up a pillow under his head and putting a bucket next to the bed.