Everybody Loves Midgets

These days good humor is hard to find. Everything is watered down because people are afraid that a joke will offend someone of another race, religion, gender, sexual orientation, or meal preference. However, there is one thing that will always put a smile on people’s faces: midgets!

By COED Staff

Midgets always equal fun, no matter what. Take for example midget wrestling. Does anybody remember when the WWE used to have a midget division? It was great! They even had a midget version of Randy Savage called the “Macho Midgetâ€? who would drop the big elbow off the top rope. And who can forget Doink the Clown’s little companion, Dink.

Midgets have also given us some of the most memorable movie characters of all time. Who can forget Warwick Davis as Willow? And the Austin Powers‘ sequels would’ve been nothing without Verne Troyer as Mini-Me. And of course there was the Lord of the Rings trilogy where the main heroes are hobbits and dwarves. Famous actors portrayed the characters but if you look closely, whenever Frodo and his buddies are standing next to humans there body doubles are midgets! Gone are the days when the midget portrayed only a troll or fairy.

However the greatest midget event ever seems to have vanished. I’m talking about the midget toss. The Midget Toss is a bar game where midgets wear a special Velcro suit and are thrown onto mattresses or Velcro covered walls. The longest proven throw is 15 feet 2 inches by Lou Sanus. However the world’s most famous midget tosser is none other than Mr. T, who was a champion on The World’s Toughest Bouncer Contest.

Unfortunately groups like the Little People of America have been lobbying to get the contest banned saying its offensive to the dignity of midgets (and the term little person isn’t?) and have been successful in New York and Florida. The Little People of America also want to the proper nomenclature for midgets to be changed to “little peopleâ€? which to me sounds more degrading. Why you ask? Because midget was a medical term used to describe the condition, there’s no hate behind the term. Little person sounds like something you’d give a cookie to if they’re good.

In the words of Bill Burr, midget is a strong word, and these day’s midgets have a lot of strength and America will have a place in its heart for midgets.