Twitter.com – Helping Stalkers Stalk Since 2007!

Last year for the first time ever, TIME magazine rated YouTube as its 2006 “Person of the Year.â€? Ummm…last time I checked, a person was a living, breathing, beer funneling, pong playing human – not some silicon chip powered by electricity. Well, in reality TIME claimed that we, the YouTubers were all TIME’s Person of The Year. So, in some twisted way my ego is boosted.

By Chris

There is a theory in history known as the “Great Manâ€? theory. Thomas Carlyle was largely responsible for the belief that “the history of the world is but the biography of great men,â€? or in dumbed down frat language, that the few and powerful shape our society. With YouTube, and the explosion of other community driven sites and tools, that theory took some serious heat last year.

Fast forward to the beautiful year of 2007 and the growth continues, with some really wacky ideas and sites emerging. All of these sites share a common thread, they deliver on our crack-like addition to on-demand data 24/7, anywhere and by any means possible.

The other day I came across a site called Twitter. The concept is simple – people send a text message, email, or IM to their Twitter profile, letting all their friends know what they are doing at any given moment. So basically, Twitter’s mission is to deliberately help people stalk the living shit out of each other at all times. One quick visit to the homepage and I’m delighted to know that:

Moiree drinks coffee, translates, drinks more coffee, translates, translates, sighs bored.

or

JSupaFly is cleaning his bathroom cuz’ last night got out of hand. LOL, no really!

or

Tomkinsone listening to the sounds of the garage door open and close, over and over and over… hubby putting in new opener.

Now don’t you feel enlightened to know that Moiree is addicted to speed, Tomkinsone’s life sucks due to her eternal boredom and JSupaFly had diarrhea as a result of butt sex, pissed everywhere, puked on the walls or did all 3 last night!?

Seriously people, wtf!? Are we all that lonely and bored that we need to listen to garage doors open and close or tell the whole world that last night’s jammer at Teds resulted in gay sex and other assorted bathroom mishaps?

Whatever happened to actual human interaction that didn’t involve emptily thumbing a couple buttons on your Sidekick so that the few remaining normal people could share in your awkward depression? I love technology; I have an iPod, use a Blackberry, own a Volcano vaporizer and wouldn’t survive a day without espn.com or TiVo – but when is enough enough? Have we really become so obsessed with data and information, that we find sites like Twitter compelling? Not to mention, that some freak you knew from 8th grade is sitting on the other end watching and fondling himself to your every move?

I hope that we all soon realize that we don’t need sites like Twitter to enhance our lives. We’re in college dammit! Let’s stand out as the anti-Twitterers. You lay a girl last night? Great! No need to twitter it in, just film it and put it on YouTube – you Spielberg you!