Jurassic Park IV: Worst (Best?) Plot Ever!
August 14, 2007 Posted in Entertainment, Movies
After years of anticipation (not really), the creative team over at Universal Pictures have leaked crucial information involving the plot of the new Jurassic Park film due in 2008 – and it’s a doozy.
The folks over at Bloody-Disgusting have reported that Jurassic Park IV‘s storyline “…is about the government who has trained dinosaurs to carry weapons and use them for battle purposes.”
FINALLY! The holy and all-too-uncommon union of Velociraptors and various weaponry – machetes, M-16s, crossbows, rayguns, flamethrowers, penis-pumping condoms, other dinosaurs, pogs, rotting vegetables – battling for the government has been properly filled.
JP alumni Laura Dern has graciously accepted the role of Palaeobotanist Dr. Ellie Sattler in the film that will redefine movie-making until Roll Bounce gets a proper sequel. In related news, Sam Neill turned down the offer to play Dr. Alan Grant, dinosaur expert extraordinaire. Earlier reports of the boney-but-highly-bonable Keira Knightley rounding out the cast have been officially denied. What, is Ms. Knightley too good for a CG action/adventure flick with a ridiculous storyline?
In other news, Jurassic Park IV Executive Producer Steven Spielberg has officially gone batsh*t.
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Due to the crucial information that was reportedly leaked by the creative team over at Universal Studios, our government has been working OT over at area 54. I've been told by a spying birdie, (it's really a mouse aka, Topogigio) that the Gov. crew are rushing orders to Argentina for their ferocious Argentinosaurus. I was also informed of complications that may delay the process in beating the 2008 premiere of "Jurassic Park IV", which would completely reveal top secret information. Reportedly the Gov. crew has not figured out how to incorporate the weapons, they are testing a more natural process. It was confirmed by Topogigio, who has witnessed seeing large feedings of Dulcolax to these innocent creatures and then flown over "a-rock".
I think that there are no more souls in heaven and this is the first sighn of the apocalypse. I’ll be sitting front row!
listen baby,
lets go to the cinema to see them Dinosaurs, they are are going to save us from the Iraqies. popcorn anyone?
I’ll def go see it if the pterodactyl gives his oscar winning look to the camera again
I hear dinosaurs look good in uniforms.
Unless Sam Neil wants to be turned into C list, he better sign the papers. As much as I love Keira Knightley, I somehow don’t see her fighting dinosaurs, so I agree with that move.
I have never been more excited for a film…pogs? They just brought everything back. This should be an epic clash of 90s fads. Cannot wait.
Dinos are awesome- but some directors need to know when to stop making movies… This puts a whole new meaning of kicking a dead horse in the mouth
I love dinasours.. seems the only ones left are those over the ripe age of 80.. cant wait to see them on the big screen!!!!
holla!
LINK!!
early leaked footage of Jurassic Park 4: http://youtube.com/watch?v=p5upOTlJ_bg
and apparently, John Williams will not be doing the score. they decided to update the JP sound: http://youtube.com/watch?v=2YSrWQ1S8SE
*sigh* more footage (what is Spielberg thinking)
I’m digging the adds. What do you think? ivy_shot_mama@hotmail.com