Drunk Astronauts Give New Meaning to AirSick Bags

July 30, 2007 - 4:00 pm By Solemaaz - UMass

In the wonderful world (bubble) of a college student, it seems very little can be accomplished without an adequate âpregameâ? beforehand. Itâs common to hear exchanges like,âWanna go bowling tonight?â?
âDude yea! Letâs pregame!â?

âWe should go see that new horror flick guys.â?
âHell yea, but itâll be ten times scarier if we smoke the herb first!â?

âPutt Putt?â?
âTequila!â?

So if anyone can understand why there has been an outbreak of drunk astronauts, college kids take the cake:

âReady for take off?â?
âWe got a couple minutes, man. Finish the flaskâ?

Hollywood never called dibs on juicy scandals, so NASA decided to join the fun. Controversy has broken out when a recently published article in an aviation mag exposed NASA for allegedly sending astronauts up into space whilst wasted. Yes, you read right, sloshed, hammered, intoxicated. Houston, we have a problem.

The media had a field day over Lohansâs beaming collection of DUIâs , so what about these suspected cases of LWI? (Launching While Intoxicated!) Well, NASA attorney claims itâs just another case of so-called, âspacial profiling.â? Damn him for beating me to the punch, since I donât think I could have ever come up with a more clever term. Explaining that astronauts are âdifferentâ? than normal Americans, (???) Apollo attorney claimed that they were simply being discriminated against, feebly attempting to illegitimize the issue.

I mean, I guess itâs a good thing thereâs not much they can bump into up there, but since when is launching a spaceship a good last stop for your weekend bender? Should NASA be worried that pretty soon, like in 10-9-8-7â¦sober liftoffs will become just as extinct as sober Friday nights in my freshman dorm?

Understandable, that NASAâs become a bit more lenient ever since Lance Bass decided he wanted to ride a rocket (Iâm sorry, it was too easy) but this is a little much.

Sober up fellas! Thatâs one small whisky shot for man, one giant sloppy stumble for mankind, and an even bigger pain in NASAâs ass.