An open letter to sock manufacturers

Being a writer for a college aged audience, I feel that you can understand my plight about socks. Socks themselves are tremendous. They provide comfort and keep me blister free during the five minutes of physical excersize I do a week as well as keep my extensive sneaker collection stench-free. However, when it comes to doing laundry, I always come out with one extra sock. I guess extra is the wrong word, I should say that I always lose one sock and there is one left over with no partner. This is more than just a metaphor for the members’ of Fall Out Boys‘ love lives, it is a conspiracy. Laundromats, college and apartment building’s laundry rooms, and sock companies are clearly in cahoots with each other. Every load of laundry someone in our situation does, these evil machines steal one of our socks, ship them to a warehouse, and they repackage them and resell them in department stores everywhere. I know this is not exactly a fashion article, but I am sick and tired of being taken advantage of by the Maytag Man and it is time for us self-sufficient, laundry-doing men to do something about this. Sock wearers of the world unite.

By COED Staff