Top Seven Worst Analogies Ever Written in a High School Essay

Good morning errrbody! Saw this list of horrendous analogies while I was surfin’ the intra-net and knew I needed to pick the best ones and make a top 10 list. Too bad there were only 7. So here is the first top 7 list you’ve ever read.

#7 From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and “Jeopardy” comes on at 7 p.m. instead of 7:30.

#6 McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled with vegetable soup.

#5 Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center.

#4 The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t. 

#3 He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.

#2 Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.

and…

#1 He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.