Love Is Blind

Blind dates can be fun as long as you don't think about the following: (a) how pathetic it is that you couldn't find someone on your own, (b) about how the only way someone would be willing to go out with you is because they've never met you before or (c) about how you’re almost 20 and still don't know the gentle touch of a woman. My mom has set me up on quite a few of these blind dates, and sometimes it's weird trying to find things to talk about. Let me help.

By COED Staff

The Quiet Game: Following introductions, you'll sit down and not speak. After an intense awkward silence, your date will finally begin to say something. Before she can finish her sentence, blurt out 'You lose!' and punch her hard in the arm (the arm punch being the main rule in playing “the Quiet Game.”).

Religion:If you make it past the arm punch, I suggest bringing up Jesus. You don't have to force the topic, just be like, 'Hey, you know Jesus?' She'll say, '… Yeah.' You'll say, 'Yeah, he's pretty cool.' You'll sit quietly again for a second and then blurt out, 'I'm no homo, but I love that guy.' Then more silence.

Politics:Try telling her about how sweet George W. Bush is. Tell her about how you dislike terrorists or anyone else from a Middle Eastern country. The war on Iraq? 'An atrocity,' you'll say. 'We should be warring on EVERY country that's not the U.S. of A. … for example, Asia.' Every time she tries to talk during this conversation, interrupt her by yelling that you love Texas.

Scooby-Doo: This may sound like a difficult topic to broach, but it's not. Just start humming the theme song to the show, and if that doesn't work, start singing the words. They start out: 'Scooby-Dooby-Doo, where are you?' Try to include her by asking her who her favorite Scooby-Doo character is. If she suggests anyone besides Scrappy-Doo or Fred, adamantly argue that they were never on the show. Around now your food may arrive, so exclaim, 'Jinkies!'

Miscellaneous: This section of the date is all yours, but may I make one proposal? Ask her how many cavities she thinks you have. If she says anything above two, it's time for you to lose your cool. Open your mouth very close to her face and say, 'Does it look like I have that many cavities?!' When you've cooled off a little she may ask you how many cavities you think she has. Guess nine.

At the end of the date the most important thing is to be honest, none of that 'left my wallet at home' bulls't. Just be upfront and say, 'I don't have any money.' Say it matter-of-factly. Then move in for a kiss, and if you get rejected, flip over the table and storm out. But don't leave the premises; you still need a ride home.